I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
