And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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