If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm at about main and main street
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
