You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I just put wine in my tea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
