you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
