my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize