I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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