you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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