Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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