u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
