WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
