i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
