He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
