he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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