Screwed.edu
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
false alarm, still single
Randomize
