I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
