What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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