He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
