i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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