So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
