Your dad touched me again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
