Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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