It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
