Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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