I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
