too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize