you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
