wrigley field is MILF paradise
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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