I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
