he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
