man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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