Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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