Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
