I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
