Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
