Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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