for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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