My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
