Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
