i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
