Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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