They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
