i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize