dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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