just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
