My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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