I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
