hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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