Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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