Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
