We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
