cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
