I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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