I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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