Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize