i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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