So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
