i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
