so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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