Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
