I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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