i think i have herpe
just one?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
