you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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