u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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