it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
