the condom got lost in my hair
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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