Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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