There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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